Last Road

Long time passed since... the day when I took life

Time passed without me noticing or feeling.

Now, the hourglass of my life it’s about to break.

The sand from the hourglass is not flowing anymore.

I look at the clear sky and see how suddenly dark grey clouds gather.

A strong wind started to blow.

Drops of rain started to fall on my face… 

I lay there without moving waiting for my death to come.

A lightning... followed by a thunder disturbed the silence of my death.

I’m asking myself... “Is the sky really crying after me?”

In just few seconds after this thought, it started to rain even stronger.

“I think I didn’t live for nothing, if even the sky is crying my death...”

I look up for the last time

I close my eyes...

Memories start showing up in my mind, like an old movie.
This is who I used to be...

After each memory, I feel a pain in my heart and a tear goes down my face.
I'll never get to be that person again.

When I got to the end of the old movie, 
The memories ended.
“His” image was printed in my mind.

It was time to make it right.
I couldn't go back in the past and give him his life back.
But sooner of later I knew I would have to pay for that life.

I looked at the hourglass for the last time… 

Suddenly a lightning hit it and smashed in pieces.

An unbearable pain in that moment took over me,

It was the last pain I thought I will feel as human.

Closing my eyes with a smile on my lips, 

I realized I didn’t feel anything anymore.

Why?

Because my life has already ended.

-English Translation of "Ultimul Drum" (Last Road) one of my previous poems originally written in Romanian. I tried to translate it the best I could to not lose the meaning behind the words. This marked by one of the accidents in my past. Changed me in who I am today.

Silent Moon

The darkness from Heart by Teodora Balaj

The white light of the moon is shining
Lighting the darkness from my heart.
The window’s open and the wind slips quietly inside my room.

The silent music of a lonely night…
Another day has past of this hell that trapped me inside.
I struggle every second to break free,
But even though I don’t have any chains to bind me.
I can’t more.
I can’t talk.
I don’t care.
I can’t feel anything…
The stars are sparkling bright in the night,
The wind it’s blowing in the silence of the dark.

I am alone inside my dream, it’s quiet and it feels real.
My eyes looked down on the little table
Where the old letter was put.
I wanted to read those words,
But everything seemed pointless now.
I can’t bring time back to the start,
I can’t correct the way I thought,
I can’t bring back the feeling,
Or the hope that tomorrow will be better.
It can’t.
It won’t.
There is not enough time to either
My heart started beating faster,
A rush took over for a couple of seconds.

I took the letter and put it inside the drawer
Tomorrow won’t be better
And deep inside me I already knew it.
But maybe, I’ll get courage to read those memories again,
Tomorrow or the day that comes after…
I'll still be here, the same old me that has to live.

Forever lonely, lost in a past.
I look again for one last time at the moon,
The bright shining stars that are always there with me at night
My thoughts and my life hopes... I try to forget about the past
The pain is still here, the loneliness seems stronger,
I close my eyes and so another day... of pain has ended.

I am who I am

I am my mom,
I am my best friend, who I knew since I was born.
I am my pen friend, who's traveling around the world.
I am my friends, because of everything we share.
I am as bad as everyone I know,
and as good as everyone I met.
I am who I am, thanks to the ones that put me down
and also thanks to the ones that picked me up.
I am the places I visited and the ones I'll visit soon.
I am my enemy, because of everything I do.
I am myself, because of everything I think.
I am who I am, because of everyone and anything.

Origine

Mulţi au trecut pe lângă mine şi mi-au pus aceeaşi întrebare. Ce origine ai? Iar eu le-am raspuns. Sunt româncă, m-am născut, am trăit şi plecat din ţara mea. Aceştia, auzind spusele mele, mi-au pus o nouă întrebare. De ce ai plecat din locul de unde îţi vine originea? Am stat şi m-am gândit, apoi am răspuns. Nu vi se pare că ce am facut eu e corect? Sunt mândră că sunt româncă, sunt mândră de ţară, neam şi pământ.
M-am născut aici, am crescut şi trăit aici, dar acum am plecat. De ce? Pentru că mi se pare mult prea trist şi dezamăgitor să mor tot pe acelaş pământ unde mi-a fost dată viaţa. M-aş simţi nerecunoscătoare faţă de pământ şi ţară. Tot ce-am trăit în acest loc a fost doar bucurie. De ce să stric acest perfect echilibru doar pentru am odihni oasele obosite în tărâna care mi-a dat viaţă. Nu... aceasta nu sunt eu. Mereu, pe primul loc va fi ţara asta în inima mea. Ea mi-a dat viaţă. Ea m-a făcut ce sunt azi. Tocmai de aceea fac promisiunea asta înainte de a pleca.
„Visul meu e să cunosc lumea... în călătoriile mele prin aceasta lume, voi cunoaşte oameni noi, culturi noi şi voi vedea lucruri noi.... dar nu voi uita niciodată cine sunt, de unde am plecat şi încotro mă îndrept. În călătoriile mele, ţara mea România, va fi mereu în sufletul meu. Pot fi mult mai credincioasa ţarii de la distanţă, decât alţii care trăiesc în ea.”

Ultimul Drum

Mult timp a trecut de atunci... din ziua când am luat viaţă.
Timpul a trecut pe nesimţite.
Dar acum clepsidra vieţii mele este pe punctul de-a se sparge.
Nisipul din clepsidra nu mai curge.
Privesc spre cerul senin şi văd cum brusc, norii gri se adună.
Un vânt puternic începe să bată.
Picuri de ploaie încep să mi se prelingă pe faţă...dar eu,
Rămân acolo nemişcată aşteptând moartea să vină.
Un fulger urmat de un tunet, distrug liniştea morţii mele.
Îmi pun o întrebare...” Oare cerul chiar plânge după mine? ”
În câteva secunde după această întrebare a început să ploaie şi mai puternic.
„ Cred că nu am trăit degeaba, dacă şi cerul plânge moartea mea. ”
Privesc în sus pentru ultima dată
Apoi închid ochii...
Amintiri îmi apar în minte, rulând precum o peliculă veche a unui film.
După fiecare amintire, simt o durere în inima şi câte o lacrimă mi se prelinge din ochi.
Când am ajuns la sfarşitul peliculei, imaginea „lui” mi-a rămas întipărită în minte.
A venit timpul să fim din nou împreună...
Privesc clepsidra pentru ultima dată... şi brusc un fulger o loveşte şi se sparge.
O durere de nesuportat în acel moment m-a cuprins, ultima durere ce ca om o voi mai simţi.
Închizând ochii cu un zâmbet pe buze mi-am dat seama că nu mai simt nimic
De Ce?
Pentru ca viaţa mea sa sfârşit.

I wish you...

I wish you laughter and I wish you joy...
I wish you lasting friendships, true love and precious memories...
I wish you happy endings and great beginnings and the kind of stories you'll love to share...
I wish you everything happy on your birthday and always...

Happy Birthday !!!

I have to go away !

We can live this life together...wherever we are ! You should all know that I will go away in a place I've always dreamed. And no one can stop me. You should do the same. To have a dream, is to have a hope, that tomorrow will be better.

Rule of the world

Is a question that we all ask and never find an answer.
From my point of view, LIFE is a game, where there are no rules. But there are 3 things to remember: TO LIVE
TO LOVE
and TO MOVE ON
As long as you are alive, you will have some terrible days... and also some wonderful days. THAT'S WHAT LIFE IS ! Even if you feel to the bottom... life doesn't end! Life doesn't end easily. But we still have to live on. As long as someone's there for you, if you go to a place that you regret, you can always come back.But if you don't go, you will regret till the end of your days, that you didn't do what you wanted.As long as you believe in you, you will never be on the wrong path.
Everything in the world is a game. The one who lasts till the end and is enjoying the game is the WINNER.
That's probably the rule of the world.In this moment I made a decision, that the next ME from now on, no matter what happens, will not fall.